


First Broken

by I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning



Series: Obikin Week 2k18 [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Day 3, Death by Dooku, Deathfic, Heavy Angst, M/M, Obikin Week 2018, Personal Effects of War, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 22:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15350076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning/pseuds/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning
Summary: The first time something breaks is always the most painful. So much of Obi-Wan has broken, at one point or another...





	First Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Obikin Week 2k18 Day 3: First Time/Broken (Used both prompts)

 

There were many things Anakin's former master had endured through being broken.

His heart, the day Qui-Gon Jinn died. His immediate future, the day he chose to raise an unexpected child instead of setting off to create his own life and person as an adult. His bones... well, he'd done his fair share of falling out of trees and tumbling down hills as a youngling who grew faster than his mind could keep up, legs always a bit longer than he thought they were.

He'd broken records, not all of them nice, as the Jedi Knight most likely to land in the Halls of Healing, the first Jedi to go from padawan to Council member in the span of twelve years, the first Jedi in a thousand years to defeat a Sith, and the first Force-sensitive to survive three weeks of being utterly severed from the Force, thanks to a sensory deprivation mask belonging to Ventress.

Even if it had left him getting lost in his own quarters for months afterward and had shattered his short-term memory, requiring hours of painful work to gain back his ability to function as a general.

He'd survived the breaking of his own expectations of what life with a former padawan would be like, and had somehow managed to figure out how to find his feet as they transitioned into lovers.

So many, many things had broken for Obi-Wan Kenobi through his thirty-six years of life, but only a few of them where new when Anakin witnessed them, at an age to really _understand._

He'd seen Obi-Wan's strength break in the rescue from Zigoola, with Obi-Wan's shields ravaged and tears streaking down his face, still not certain he  _was_ actually rescued. Fearing it was another hallucination, that he'd wake up to find Bail dead and himself alone, wandering the putrid wastes forever.

Anakin had seen the aftermath of Obi-Wan's hope for Obi-Wan's personal future breaking. Obi-Wan's conviction he was meant for “infinite sadness” contained more cheerful resignation than Anakin was at all comfortable with, and that calm determination to make the best of it was a tragedy all its own.

But then came a day when something of Obi-Wan's broke, something that had remained whole through  _every_ ounce of hell Obi-Wan Kenobi had been forced to limp through. 

His honesty.

The splintering of that break had driven agony deep into Anakin's soul, and it was long before he could see beyond the pain to recognize that while Obi-Wan had been the shrapnel, it had been from the death of something Obi-Wan had once held dear, not callous disregard. It was the first casualty of the war to truly strike Anakin in the heart.

Rako Hardeen.

In the weeks following his return from the dead, Obi-Wan had said not a word beyond what the war required. He slept without complaint on the couch where Anakin had banished him. He seemed to expect Anakin would never forgive him.

The last of his joy sapped out of Obi-Wan, until all that was left was grim determination and a distant, numb assessment that the best of his life was long behind.

Obi-Wan seemed to think all he had left was the war, that he would fight for his lover and for his people until he dropped from exhaustion or a blaster bolt, whichever came first.

It didn't take more than a glance from a total stranger to tell that Obi-Wan's “infinite sadness” had arrived.

But with Anakin reevaluating  _everything,_ now, he couldn't help but wonder if that terrible suffering had lurked there hidden all along, kept invisible for a time by the will to smile into Ankain's eyes, to press loving kisses to his mouth. To hide it away, so it wouldn't shadow Anakin's hope and joy.

Obi-Wan's light flickered, the light that was his kindness, his compassion, his desire to speak up for the voiceless. All of the things that made him the man Anakin loved.

There had been a time when Anakin had thought that light could never break...

But that was before he'd felt, survived Obi-Wan's honesty shattering.

Anakin didn't dare let himself get close again, not at all sure he could survive it if Obi-Wan's desperate, overwhelmed light blew apart too.

It turned out Obi-Wan was felled not by exhaustion or blasterfire, but by a clever stab of Dooku's blade, one that broke Obi-Wan's defenses and punched a hole through his heart... letting blood writhe into all the places it should not go.

There was only relief in Obi-Wan's eyes as he collapsed, that this would be the last part of him that would break. That maybe some pieces, small and faint and bleeding as they were, might remain whole and  _his_ to the end.

He got to keep his light, as stained and dying as it was.

As Anakin felt Obi-Wan slipping away, Dooku became meaningless. Windu moved to face him, and Anakin collapsed to his knees beside Obi-Wan.

“I love you,” Anakin choked.

Obi-Wan merely watched him, eyes sad. “I don't know if I know how to anymore.”

And Anakin understood, knew how the war sucked life and empathy and the ability to connect out of one's bones, replacing it all with the memories of death... so Anakin held him close and let his tears fall in silent profusion.

“Kiss me?” Obi-Wan rasped, eyes filling with tears. “One last time?”

Anakin surged down, tongue finding Obi-Wan's and desperately remembering all they had shared and lived before the darkness overwhelmed them. Anakin tasted Obi-Wan's tears and blood as Obi-Wan caressed his mouth in return.

Cold fingers nudged a familiar lightsaber into Anakin's hand.

“Don't forget me?” Obi-Wan whispered, their foreheads pressed together still.

“Never,” Anakin swore, clutching the hilt tight and remembering Obi-Wan's familiar words from a happier time _._ “I've got your life right here.”

Obi-Wan's voice could barely be heard, his breath slipping away. “There's no one I'd rather give it to.”

Anakin kissed him again, a gentle press of lips this time.

Obi-Wan's chest fell still, his eyes fell blank, and for the first time, Anakin felt a Force-bond break, ripping out of his mind, leaving him choking with pain as he cradled a corpse.

 

 


End file.
